I'll go where you want me to go,
dear Lord
Over mountain or plain or sea;
I'll say what you want me to say,
dear Lord;
I'll be what you want me to be.
Since we started out on this journey in July we have
had many people question us as to why we are not adopting
a child that lives right here in the USA.
As we all know there are many children
in the US foster care system available for adoption.
And it wouldn't cost $40,000 to adopt them.
I have many reasons that I could list as to
why we have chosen to adopt internationally
but ultimately the most important answer I have
is because we are going
where God wants us to go.
I can assure you that if you had asked me 2 years ago
if I would ever adopt internationally I would have laughed at you.
I would have told you how God had asked us to
adopt right here from the good ole US of A.
And He had.
And we listened.
Some of you may already know this but
many of you may not.
Almost 5 years ago we signed up to be
foster care parents.
We had 2 short placements.
One for 5 days and one for 1 month.
And then she was placed with us.
She was 2 1/2 months old and weighed 8 pounds.
She had been shaken and neglected.
For 19 months we gave her a safe place to live.
We loved her and struggled with how we would feel when she was
returned to 2 people that also loved her but had hurt her
and were struggling with narcotic issues.
After 19 months of doing supervised visits with her parents
we were told it was now time to allow them to do weekend visits
and to prepare for her to go back to live with them full time.
Oh how our hearts broke can't even begin to describe
the pain we were feeling.
We knew this was always supposed to be the ultimate goal for her.
But somehow she had grown to be such a big part of our family.
Just try to love a child for almost 2 years and not
cringe at what they are going back to or believe that somehow
you could offer them more.
Below you can watch two videos that I made
to try and explain the way we were feeling.
This first one I made right before she started doing weekend
visits with her parents.
This second one is the one I made right before trial where it
would be determined if her parents could have full custody of her again.
We had been told by her social worker that there was a very good chance
she would be going back even though they felt like she
would most likely end up in the foster care system again.
I guess you could say that our story had a miraculous ending.
The weekend before court her parents called and said
that if we were willing to adopt her they would
relinquish their rights.
Words cannot express the feelings we had that day.
We knew her parents loved her dearly but
really were not capable of raising her.
What do you say to someone who just granted your ultimate dream
while dashing theirs?
We determined the best thing would be to have an open adoption.
While this has not been an easy task at all
we still feel it has been the right decision.
So on April 22, 2010
Nevaeh became an official member of our family.
In telling you this story I am not trying to say
that foster adopt is too hard and that no one should do it.
I would do it all again even if the outcome
would have turned out differently.
Because I know it is what God wanted me to do.
And we actually tried to do it again.
And God said NO.
I looked at the online photo listing for children in the USA.
And God said NO.
I guess the point of this post is that
there are so many different places you could go.
Where does God want you to go?
It doesn't even have to have anything to do with adoption.
Maybe God needs you to go help in an orphanage.
Maybe He needs you to help fight cancer.
Maybe there are homeless shelters you need to volunteer at.
Maybe you need to be a foster parent.
Or maybe He is sending you across the sea to adopt a child with special needs.
The thing that irritates me the most is when other people
try and tell us where it is God wants us to go.
Don't listen to those people.
Listen to God.
Because He does not send us all to the same places.
I'll go where you want me to go,
dear Lord
Over mountain or plain or sea;
I'll say what you want me to say,
dear Lord;
I'll be what you want me to be.
Lara Johnson
Songs of Every Lasting Joy
