So Worth the Wait

So I promised everyone some good news this week 

and I am finally ready to post it here. 

This week as been such an exhausting week. 

You know how you dream of something for so long and have it planned

out exactly how you think it should go but then 

when the moment comes it is usually not how you planned it?

Well, 

That has been what my week has been like. 

Right now I am sitting in a hotel room in Russia typing this blog!

Yep,

You read that right. 

We are here

and 

we have met the little girl we plan on adopting

and calling Natasha.

Our first visit did not go how I imagined it at all. 

You know the ones you have seen where the child runs into 

the parents arms like they have been waiting for them to come their whole life?

Not exactly what happened for us. 

Natasha was preparing to go outside with her group

when they brought her to see us. 

So she was kicking, screaming, crying

and she wanted nothing at all to do with us. 

We brought out our toys and tried to win her over 

but she wanted to go outside. 

We didn't blame her it was just not the way I had pictured our 

first meeting with her. 

We went outside with her and all the other children ran up to us. 

But not Natasha.

She ran far away. 

Can you image a child who normally gets no attention and then 

all of a sudden has 5 adults calling after her and trying to get her attention?

She must have been very scared and confused.  

Finally Steve blew up a ball and we took it over in her direction. 

Things got considerably better from that point on. 

She now decided we could be her friend and playing ball with us was lots

of fun. 

We will not be sharing any photos of her face at this time as 

she is still not officially our daughter but we did sign the referral to go 

back to court and ask to adopt her. 

I will type more about our second and third meetings later when I am not sooo tired. 

It is so beautiful where we are and we have had a really nice time. 

We have fallen in love with her home and her people and 

of course she has stolen our hearts.

We also have started to squeak our way into hers. 

We are so thankful to all of you who have supported us in our journey this far.

We will be working hard the next few months

to finish up our fundraising and paperwork for our court trip. 

Praying to be back in October to see our precious little one again.

So here are the picture I have of us from our first trip with a little flower over her face.

 I am teaching her how to sign ball

Here she is signing ball back to me.

 Steve playing ball with her.

 She loved this little pad

A Very Long Year

I am sure anyone who actually reads my blog has 

probably noticed that I have not been very good about writing anything on it. 

It's hard not being able to share everything I want to share with you.

So it just makes it hard to write anything. 

And how fun is it to hear each week that we are still waiting. 

This weeks marks our one year anniversary of 

applying to adopt a little girl with Down syndrome. 

It has been a long emotional year. 

There have been times I have just wanted to throw up my arms and yell

"I QUIT" 

But then something amazing will happen to remind me 

that God set me out on this journey for a reason. 

He never said if I agreed to go that he would make it easy 

or that the timing would be the way I wanted it to be. 

I seem to have several theme songs that I have 

found over the last year. 

It seems like every time I feel down and think 

I just can't wait any longer I will hear this song. 

"I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily 

I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make"

So thank you to all of those who have stuck out this last year with me. 

Thanks for all your love and support. 

And look for a new blog post to come sometime next week 

as I am positive the wind is changing to a good wind 

and we will have some excellent news. 

"I won't give up on us, even when the "seas" get rough 

and giving you all my love, I'm still looking up."

The Wind is Starting To Blow Again

Back in April I blogged about

praying for a good wind.

Well, the wind is finally starting to blow again.

The family in line a head of us just got word that they are to 

travel to our region and meet their daughter in 13 days.

What does that mean for us?

It means

We are next.

Praying it means we get to travel in June.

Praying that those who have waited so long for 

court dates that they will get them soon and be

able to bring their children home soon. 

We still have a long journey ahead of us.

We thought for sure we would be getting ready to bring a little girl

home by June. 

Not just be getting ready to meet her.

So now we are looking at maybe October

to have her home. 

But hey,

It is still better than 

2 years, 4 months and 9 days.

The time it took to complete our last adoption.

And I'm sorry but I just realized I forgot to announce who won the 

Digital Software Program

Jessica Rudder

Please contact me so I can give 

you the code for your free software.

Both Her Mother's Love

Happy Mother's Day 

This is going to be one those hard post for me to write 

but one I have been thinking about writing for a very long time.

I have not done the drawing for the My Memories Software yet

but promise to do so tomorrow. 

Tonight I wish to share with you the feelings of my heart.

So that I can document them for my daughter to read someday.

In 2008 my views on Mother's Day changed.

I had always grown up having a mother and I had no problem 

becoming a mother. 

So I  never took much thought to be considerate of those

who may not be so fortunate.

But in 2008 that all changed.

For the first time I was exposed to what it would be like

to have been a mother but not allowed to parent your child.

I took Nevaeh on that Sunday to visit her birthmother at rehab. 

There were many other woman there who did not have visits that day.

I could see the hurt and anguish in their eyes as they watched

Mommy M visit with Nevaeh. 

And I was torn. 

Torn because I wanted to be her mother. 

I was the one who got up in the middle of the night to feed her, cleaned up

her throw up and calmed her when she was frightened. 

But I was not her mother. 

I was only her caretaker. 

So that Mother's Day in 2008 I saw and felt a lot of pain. 

2009 was one of the worst Mother's Day of my life.

I had been the primary caretaker through the foster care system

 for Nevaeh for almost 18 months. 

Other than visiting with her birth parents for a few hours a week 

I was really the only mother she knew. 

Yet on Mother's Day afternoon

I did the hardest thing I had ever done in my life.

I packed her bags and took her to spend 2 nights 

with her birth parents at the halfway house. 

There is no way I would ever be able to explain the pain

I felt in my heart that day nor to explain the look of excitement

and pure joy on her birth parent's faces. 

I did not feel comfortable leaving her in their care. 

It was not my choice. 

I had no say. 

I was just her caretaker. 

Not her mother. 

So I went home and cried myself to sleep. 

A few weeks before I had won a book with a CD

called From My Arm's To God's Arms to Yours.

I had heard the most beautiful song that I knew would never apply to my situation.

It talked about a birth mother who chose to give her child to 

another person to raise. 

I was in a different situation. 

The only way I would become Nevaeh's mother would be by force.

What a depressing way to become a mother. 

What a horrible way to no longer be a mother. 

Her birth mother had been through that scenario 4 other times. 

She was doing better this time. 

Trying hard to keep it all together.

Wanting so badly to be the mother that Nevaeh deserved.

I had extreme guilt for even thinking about wanting to be the mother

of this little girl.

It didn't matter that I had raised and loved her for almost 18 months.

I was not her mother. 

The turn of events that happened right before court in July 2009 

are something I will never forget. 

Almost the exact words of the song in the book I had

received were said to me over the phone. 

I was to get the wish of my heart while someone else

would have to live with the emptiness and void 

of many many Mother's Days to come.

I would now have the incredible responsibility of not only 

providing this child with my love but 

providing her with both her mother's love.

I vowed that I would take her to spend Mother's Day with her

birth mother even after the adoption was final as long as 

I deemed the situation to be safe. 

That was wonderful for 2010 and 2011. 

But this year it did not happen. 

This year I have yet to hear from her birth mother but am dreading 

the phone call when I do. 

This year I will have to break her heart once again 

and even though it breaks mine to do so 

and I do not judge her for her decisions I cannot at this time 

do so knowing that it is an unsafe environment to take Nevaeh into.

I envy those people who have the birth mother over to their homes. 

The ones who have friend relationships. 

But there are days I have to snap out of my fantasy and remember

why it was Nevaeh was placed in our care to begin with. 

Why it is her mother had 4 other children taken away. 

And although I will always love her in my own way

and tell Nevaeh time appropriate things about her

I am afraid the time has come for now to stop our 

visits. 

And I know it will break her heart. 

So this Mother's Day I will once again

think of those who have lost children, who have had children taken away,

who have decided to place children in a loving home, and who are not 

able to have biological children of their own. 

Because although Mother's Day is a day to honor Mother's

there are many many women out there in pain on this day. 

And my prayer is that we can all take the time to be a little more 

compassionate to those who may not care for Mother's Day.

And I will continue to pray for those children 

who do not have mothers or 

who have mothers like me desperately trying to bring them home 

but stuck in an imperfect world where love is not always all you need. 

Praying that next Mother's Day our child and many others will know the joy of 

having a mother. 

( I used the kit Birds and Blossom Combo Pack for my scrapbook pages)

Something Perfect

I have been a little emotional today

well more emotional than usual for me.

It wasn't until I was sitting in church that I figured out why.

Yesterday was our yard sale and I had been so busy

preparing for it that I hadn't thought much about 

what the date was.

So when I was sitting in church and I looked 

at the program and it said

April 22, 2012 it hit me.

I starred at it for a moment and thought

really

Is it really April 22nd?

I knew it was coming up but somehow it slipped my mind.

Had it really been two whole years?

Two whole years of no longer worrying about if the child I loved

would be placed back in a horrific situation.

Two whole years of her being just our daughter.

No longer having to drop her off at the halfway house

only to have her come back covered in bed bug bites 

and crying about hunger.

Two whole years of not having to worry if they would hurt her again.

Two whole years of not having to think that even though we had been

her foster parents since she was 2 1/2 months old 

they might not allow us to adopt her if 

her biological sister's adoptive parents wanted to. 

April 22nd is Nevaeh's Adoption Day. 

The day the courts acknowledged her as our daughter.

The day I no longer had to hide her face in pictures 

or have the government be in ever aspect of our lives from

having them visit our home to asking permission to go on vacation. 

It was the day I could finally be at peace with the 2 1/2 long years

it had taken to get to that point.

Yet,

here I am today on another adoption journey.

One that when I started  almost a year ago 

I promised God I wouldn't worry about.

I promised I would trust Him because I didn't

with Nevaeh's case.

I worried over everything from the time she was placed with us

until the day the adoption was final. 

This time things were going to be different I told Him.

This time I would trust because I could now look back on 

Nevaeh's story and see His hand in every aspect of it. 

This time I would let Him have full control 

because I knew He had set me on this course. 

So why or why couldn't I remember that

when the storms got rough once again and there looked like 

there was no hope. 

The way Nevaeh's story turned out was a miracle.

If someone would have told me at the beginning of our journey

that her parents would call us up 3 days before court 

and ask us to adopt her I would have never believed it. 

I missed out on so much joy when Nevaeh was a baby. 

So much wasted time worry about things I had no control over. 

I guarded my heart not giving it all to her

unsure if she would be ours forever.

After all,

we were just her foster parents.

Our feelings and emotions didn't count. 

We knew that when we signed up for it. 

So this time I promised I would be different. 

The seas have been very rough on this journey but not because God

has made them that way. 

It has only been rough because I have not trusted in Him. 

For some reason once again I have it in my little pea-brain mind

that my plan is so much better than His. 

That my time frame is more important. 

There is still time for me to change.

Still time for me to trust. 

Still time for me to remember my promise to Him. 

Little one,

mommy is coming 

I just don't know when

but 

God does. 

And someday this song will apply to you 

just as it does to Nevaeh now.

There's an ache that's missing today
There's an emptiness that's been filled
There's a cloud that's lifting and drifting away
There's a ragin' storm that's been stilled

There's a joy that's real
There's a wound that's finally healed
There's a future replacing the past
There's breath of new life in the cast


And there's something perfect happening here
And this moment will bury the mountains of fears
And through countless tomorrows
It won't disappear
This something that's perfect
Happening here

I had a sweet friend contact me and ask to
do a Shake the Box fundraiser for me.

If you would like to help our family raise the
last $6,000 we need to get our little one home
please visit her blog.
http://www.marvelousloveblog.com/2012/04/shake-box.html

Praying for a Good Wind

I know I promised I would write something on my blog

that didn't have to do with boring fundraising.

I really haven't written much lately because we really don't

have much to write.

Back in July of 2011 we started on this journey and I wrote a post called

Sailing to Holland.

I talked about how we knew we would encounter stormy seas.

I guess the part I didn't realize is how we would encounter 

what is known as the Dead Calm when sailing.

Which basically means to be stuck 

in the middle of the ocean with no wind and no 

idea as to when your boat will move.

So lately we have been praying for a good wind. 

In the movie "The Other Side of Heaven"

a boat full of missionaries are stuck.

One of them mentions they should pray only for a good wind

because if they pray for an east wind there maybe someone else stuck

somewhere praying for a west wind. 

So it is best to pray for a good wind.

Well, that is kind of where we are at right now.

Our region is shut down to American adoptions 

because there have been cases of Americans who have not treated their 

adopted children nicely and in some cases these children have died.

Now we know that the percentages are low as to how many

Americans treat there adopted children badly as to the ones

who love and care for their children. 

But that doesn't mean there isn't a problem that needs to be fixed.

So I have very fixed feelings.

On the one hand

I know that Steve and I have been prepared 

for this adoption. 

I know that we have been screened and trained and 

that we know it will be hard and we are not expecting a fairy-tale. 

We know we will have a child that speaks a different language

and will require lots of time and energy.

We know she will be scared and there will be many challenges. 

So while her country is trying to decide how best to deal

with the rotten Americans

we sit stuck in the middle of the ocean not knowing

when the wind will blow. 

Our hearts ache for a little girl that is an orphan. 

One that has probably moved 3 different times and had to adjust

to a whole new group of people each time. 

We want her to experience the love of a family. 

To know what it is like to have a mom and a dad.

To learn from brothers and a sister.

So the only thing we can do right now is pray for a good wind.

Pray that her country is able to figure out what they want to 

do to best protect the children that are being adopted. 

Pray for us to have patience as they work through this. 

Pray for her to be safe and feel loved while she continues to wait for a family of her own.

And of course pray that our fundraising efforts are fruitful and 

when the time comes we will have all we need to finish the journey. 

Praying that whatever is best for her will happen. 

Name Your Price Curriculum Sale

In order to try and get rid of the 

last of my homeschool curriculum

I am doing a Name Your Price Curriculum Sale.

From now until Midnight on April 10th (PST)

you can go to an item and tell me how much you would like

to pay for that item and as long as you are the highest bidder on April 10th

the item will be yours.

There is no minimum bid but shipping is non negotiable. 

I only charge what the post office charges me.

Here is the link to what I have left.

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.234883906610801.49113.148027775296415&type=3

I am now an affiliate for 

All About Learning Press.
So if you every need anything from there
please consider purchasing from me :)

I will be doing a review of this product later on.

And of course for those of you who 

purchase any of your homeschool curriculum at Amazon

I have an affiliate link for there too.

And last but not least there is my always popular

digital software fundraiser.

http://operationorphannomore.blogspot.com/p/digital-fundraiser.html

I have some fun things coming up with that one too.

Thanks again for all the support.

I promise to actually do a blog later on today

with some of my feelings about our adoption.

I know the last few months have pretty much been

boring post about fundraising. 

I appreciate you all hanging in there with us :)