Metcha Day
July 18, 2012
That's the name people who are adopting children internationally
call the day they first meet their child.
Metcha Day
The day you see in real life the little one you have
loved from a far for so very long.
One year ago today was
Metcha Day
I remember it like it was yesterday.
Oh how nervous I was about meeting Natasha.
I knew I would want to cry and run and scoop her up in my arms
but I knew that if I did I would frighten her.
So I told myself to remember to show restraint.
In the beginning that wasn't too hard.
We were in a hallway when they brought her out
kicking and screaming.
Boy was she mad!
Her group had just been taken outside and that is where she wanted to be.
She didn't want us.
She didn't want our toys.
She wanted to go outside.
And that was that.
I could have cried all I wanted and she would
not have cared one little bit.
It definitely was not the way I had played it out in my mind.
It definitely was not the way I had played it out in my mind.
So it was time to change our game plan.
After about 2 minutes of her throwing her fit
we asked if it would be ok for us to play outside with her.
Once outside we were mobbed by all the other little children.
But not Natasha
She was off and running
like a scene out of Madagascar
with the music Born Free playing loudly in the background.
Steve and I had to pry the other little children off us
as they tried stroking our faces and saying
Mama and Papa in Russian.
Their little faces are all a blur to me now.
The child I was there for was the only one I could focus on.
I couldn't think too long or too hard about the other children
because I knew it would break my heart to know
they would most likely never have a Mama or a Papa.
Natasha was to be the second child ever adopted from her orphanage.
The first child was also adopted from an American couple.
Some of the children who lived there had families that would come
and visit them weekly. So these children knew what
a mama and papa were. They had seen other children have them.
The workers finally had to scold the children to make them leave us alone.
Our new plan included
blowing up a beach ball and chasing after Natasha.
The ball was a hit
and after a few minutes we were all instant friends.
From that moment on she couldn't get enough of us.
Anything we said or showed her in sign language
she eagerly repeated.
I can still hear her say the word "book"
in her little Russian accent.
The word "book" from a child we were told did not know how to speak.
She picked up the sign for ball and again very fast
and was excited to show anyone who would watch her.
Metcha Day
A day that brought so much joy to our lives.
A day that we had longed for
for so long.
It had finally come
and it was a dream come true.
and it was a dream come true.
When we got back to our hotel room we
looked at the pictures
and I cried.
All those tears of worry and fear came tumbling down.
All the waiting and the paper chasing had all been worth it.
We had finally met her
and we were finally One Step Closer
to having her join our family.
All those tears of worry and fear came tumbling down.
All the waiting and the paper chasing had all been worth it.
We had finally met her
and we were finally One Step Closer
to having her join our family.
Our pictures from our trip
looked like something out of a fairy tale.
looked like something out of a fairy tale.
You would have never guessed Natasha wanted nothing to
do with us the first 5 minutes we were there.
Looking at the pictures I could see the connection.
Looking at her look into my eyes
and study my face left me breathless.
There were no need for words
Our hearts were talking to each other
and it was a moment that will be etched in my brain forever.
and it was a moment that will be etched in my brain forever.
I look back and wonder how a day that was so glorious
and filled with hope
and filled with hope
can cause so much pain now.
Hands touch, eyes meet
Sudden silence, sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
I would be her mom
They won't let her be my girl
Sudden silence, sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
I would be her mom
They won't let her be my girl
Don't dream too far
Don't lose sight of who you are
Don't remember that rush of joy
I would be her mom
They won't let her be my girl
Don't lose sight of who you are
Don't remember that rush of joy
I would be her mom
They won't let her be my girl
Ev'ry so often we long to steal
To the land of what-might-have-been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in
To the land of what-might-have-been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in
Blithe smile, lithe limb
eyes that sparkle to the brim
Gold hair with a gentle curl
That's the girl I know
And Heaven knows
They won't let her be my girl
Gold hair with a gentle curl
That's the girl I know
And Heaven knows
They won't let her be my girl
Don't wish, don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart
I wasn't born for the role I'm in
There's a girl I know
I love her so
but they won't let her be my girl
Wishing only wounds the heart
I wasn't born for the role I'm in
There's a girl I know
I love her so
but they won't let her be my girl
Below is the video we made of the first two days of our visits.
It is a video I have watched hundreds of times
trying to relive those precious days.
These pictures and videos are all that
are left of my hopes and dreams for this little girl.
I continue to pray that does not happen.
It is a video I have watched hundreds of times
trying to relive those precious days.
These pictures and videos are all that
are left of my hopes and dreams for this little girl.
We have been trying for the past few months to see if we
can find a family who would be willing to adopt Natasha.
We were searching in Canada
but recently found out that Russia is considering banning
all foreign adoptions.
We would never want a couple or Natasha to
go through meeting each other only to
have the Russian government halt everything again.
So far none of the children with DS have
been adopted that were matched with Americans.
One child with DS might be
taken home by his birth family.
We would love that for Natasha if it was an option.
Unfortunately, it is not.
I have written a letter to her region's Ombudsman.
This woman is an amazing woman who
fought long and hard for the children
she is in charge of to come to
the parents they met.
She has given numerous interviews telling
how many children have been adopted due to the increase in funds
but also how many of them have been returned back to the orphanages
because of lack of training and support.
because of lack of training and support.
My heart would break even more if a family took Natasha home
only to send her back
(according to the Ombudmans that is over 100 of 500 children adopted last year in her region only)
That would mean Natasha would lose her spot at her really good orphanage
and would just have to go back to wherever there was space.
I continue to pray that does not happen.
The other thing we are fearful about right now is
that the main Ombudsman is threatening to send the children in Natasha's region
to Chechnya.
One of my friends in Russia is very
be praying hard this does not happen.
Most people that live in Natasha's region are outraged by the ban.
They have all been working hard to find local families for these children
and also to provide support to families who want to keep their children.
But they feel like they are not in a position yet to take this task on their own.
If Natasha is adopted and then returned or if she is sent to
Chechnya there will be no news stories covering it.
There will be no outrage.
Only a few people will even notice or care.
This is why I continue to fight for her.
Not because I feel ENTITLED to have her be my daughter.
She is ENTITLED to a family.
A loving family.
Until the day I know she has one
she will be MY daughter
because right now she is no one else's.
I will continue to show her photos and video to
everyone I can get to look.
I will beg people to help me either get her home
or find a new family for her.
Her sad little database picture shows nothing
of her true personality and hasn't been updated in 3 years.
The pictures on my blog are magical and they are mine.
They show a beautiful little girl with an amazing spirit.
And if they help me find someone to be her family
or help our governments understand how much she is loved
they will have served their purpose.
Someone asked me recently when I would have closure
and be able to move on.
The answer is very simple....
When she is home.
Until then I will love you in my heart and dreams sweet Natasha.
Happy Metcha Day!
They have all been working hard to find local families for these children
and also to provide support to families who want to keep their children.
But they feel like they are not in a position yet to take this task on their own.
If Natasha is adopted and then returned or if she is sent to
Chechnya there will be no news stories covering it.
There will be no outrage.
Only a few people will even notice or care.
This is why I continue to fight for her.
Not because I feel ENTITLED to have her be my daughter.
She is ENTITLED to a family.
A loving family.
Until the day I know she has one
she will be MY daughter
because right now she is no one else's.
I will continue to show her photos and video to
everyone I can get to look.
I will beg people to help me either get her home
or find a new family for her.
Her sad little database picture shows nothing
of her true personality and hasn't been updated in 3 years.
The pictures on my blog are magical and they are mine.
They show a beautiful little girl with an amazing spirit.
And if they help me find someone to be her family
or help our governments understand how much she is loved
they will have served their purpose.
Someone asked me recently when I would have closure
and be able to move on.
The answer is very simple....
When she is home.
Until then I will love you in my heart and dreams sweet Natasha.
Happy Metcha Day!
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