Day 3 of our Adventure

Our third day in Russia was July 19th. Once again we had a hard time sleeping much past 3:30 a.m. We stayed in bed until 5:30 a.m. and then got up and got ready for our physicals. We had done a lot of prep work in the US in hopes of making the physicals easier in Russia. But our doctor's office messed up on Steve's blood working and forgot to have him tested for HIV. So Steve had to fast because he still had blood work that needed to be done.

We arrived at the clinic around 9:00 a.m. We first went in and meet the director of the clinic. She was such a pleasant lady and made us feel right at home. I was offered something to eat and Steve was whisked off to have blood taken. Within a few minutes he was back and able to join me in eating the little treats.

The director told us that we should feel right at home because the room we were in was designed after the way they build them in California. She then proceeded to tell us about the swimming pool they had too. We thought she was being serious. Come to find out she was joking because the roof is flat instead of slanted and when it rains it collects so much water up top they refer to it as the swimming pool.

Then a doctor come in and asked us questions about our health. She then apologized that she would need to ask us questions for another doctor too because that doctor would not be in until later in the afternoon. Then we got to walk around and meet a few other doctors one being the psychiatrist. Our facilitator told us that he usually asks embarrassing questions so to be prepared. He graded a little test we had taken in the director's office and then asked us 2 more questions. After that he told our facilitator he knew we were a good family and that he liked us and that was it. We were done. Our facilitator was shocked. She said "Wow, I guess he really liked you. He normally asks more questions." So I guess we got off easy.

Now it was time to drive the hour out to the orphanage. The director asked if we would like a tour. I did but I knew that it would cut into our visiting time so I was a little sad about that. But it was nice to see the orphanage and all the programs they have for the older children there. They are very big into the Special Olympics and even have an Olympic size indoor swimming pool.

After the tour was finished they brought Natasha to us. This time she was very excited to see us. She was wearing her big blue bow again with a pretty dress they had thrown over her play clothes. For some reason they had put us in an area that wasn't really even a room. It had a few coaches but was on a hard floor and right next to stairs and an elevator.

We brought out a small ball for Natasha to play with and it really wound her up. She was so excited and acting really hyper. She even hit her head on the corner of the wall while trying to get the ball and she just laughed about it. It broke my heart that she didn't cry and later I noticed she had a huge knot and bruise on her head from it. I am posting some pictures here that I don't feel I need to put a flower over her face because they are just side views and mostly just pictures of a big blue bow :)

We tried to calm her down by having her play with the iPad but that was not a good idea at all. She really didn't know what to do with it and at one point threw it at us. Not trying to be mean just trying to be funny.

She may look like she is being good with it here but a few minutes later she was pounding on the keyboard and slapping at the screen and trying to throw it on the floor. Just look at that mischievousness little smile.

So we decided to put it away and try crackers. It was fun to watch her sign crackers and more. For crackers she decided she needed to pull up her sleeves so she could find her elbow. That is why her arm is bent and her sleeve is up.

Here I am trying to clean her up after her cracker eating and she is letting me know that she needs her mouth wiped too. She thought the wipes were a great toy and at one point starting mopping the floor with them. So we had to hide those also.

I love this picture of Steve and I. I don't think we could have looked any happier.

Next we brought out the sticker book and that was a big hit. I taught her more sign language and she had a great time mimicking the sounds we would make.

Our visit was only about one hour and we were exhausted by the time it was finished. We determined that the next day we would try and visit her in her natural environment. We could see so much potential in her and loved how she would light up when we taught her something new. She has stolen our hearts and we can't wait until we get to go back and bring her home with us so she can learn so much more and reach her full potential.

Day 2 of our Adventure

On Wednesday morning we woke up at 3:30 a.m. We just couldn't sleep. We stayed in bed until about 5:30 a.m. and then decided to get up and get ready for the day. We needed to be ready by 8:15 a.m. to be picked up for our MOE appointment at 9:45 a.m. We went downstairs and had breakfast. It was included with the cost of our hotel. They had a pretty good selection but I was really hoping for some bacon or maybe a boiled egg. I had some sort of hashbrowns, kiwi, cold cut turkey, cucumbers, tomatoes and orange juice. The orange juice was like drinking an orange. After we ate breakfast we went back up to the room and called the kids. We were grateful to hear that everyone was doing well.

At 8:15 we went downstairs to meet our facilitator. We arrived at the MOE at 8:45 a.m. and our facilitator told us that we could go walk around for about 30 minutes. So we took some site seeing pictures of the main square.

This is a cathedral that we would be going on a tour of on Saturday.

 This is a river that runs all the way through the city. Peter the Great had originally wanted his city to be set up like Venice Italy with river ways instead of streets.

 My sweetheart in front of the river. You will notice that he is wearing his heavy jacket. Well, heavy for California. When we left the house on Monday morning I could not find the sweater I wanted to take so I grabbed my winter jacket instead. I was thinking that the weather would be in the low 80's and so I was upset that I was going to look silly wearing my big jacket. Once we got there and it was raining when our plane landed, I was go grateful to have a big jacket. It was just too bad that the only shoes I brought were sandals.

We were going to cross the street here to get a better picture but I was afraid of getting hit by a car. I don't think pedestrians have any rights in Russia so it's a cross at your own risk type of deal.

We probably only walked around for 20 minutes because we were cold and not crossing the street limited our abilities to see much. (We did cross one small street and I was not willing to do more in my stupid sandals).

Once we got back to the MOE we sat down and just waited. But as we were waiting someone came out and started to talk to us in Russian. We obviously looked confused and our facilitator and the other facilitator sitting next to her started to laugh. Apparently, I look Russian and the MOE worker thought we were a Russian family looking to adopt. Guess I didn't stick out as much as I thought I did.

We found out there was another family here from California who had their MOE appointment that day too. One thing I have to say about our facilitator is that she is very good at her job. She did not want us to have to wait so that is why we got there early to be the first in line. We were asked to please leave our jackets out front when it came time for our appointment. That seemed to be a continuing theme in our visit. We were freezing because we did not bring long sleeve shirts. So we really wanted to keep our jackets on. But I guess we appeared rude if we did so because our facilitator was adamant that we take them off and leave them out front.

We were called back and had to show our passports to the MOE worker. Then she showed us a picture of a little girl with Down syndrome and read the information she had on her. We were told at that time that the child had a minor heart defect but they weren't sure what it was and that we would need to ask the institution that she lived in about it. We were then asked if we wanted to meet the child and had to sign a paper stating we wanted to do so. And that was it. Next stop was to pick up the social worker to take with us to the institution.

The institution we were going to was about an hour away. It was a very beautiful drive out there. I couldn't believe all the trees we saw. I was starting to get really tired at this point and a little hungry too. I had brought protein bars and trial mix with me so I started nibbling on that to make my tummy happy.

We picked up the social worker and then were on our way to the institution. The social worker only needed to come with us on one of the visits but she is the one who has to decide if she thinks we were going to be a good fit with this child.

Once at the institution we meet the assistant director and another lady who I don't remember what her job title was. Again, we were asked to hang up our jackets and leave them. I was still a little cold but not freezing. The workers were so hospitable and they had us sit at a very tiny table pushed back into a corner. They then offered us some really yummy bread, cheese and salami to eat along with candy. They also offered hot tea and coffee. I had no idea they were going to feed us and had just eaten my protein bar but felt I needed to eat something as they had prepared so much.

While we were eating they asked us questions about our family life and why we wanted to adopt a child with Downy syndrome. We showed them pictures of our house and our children that we had brought to show Natasha. Then they took us up to ask questions of the doctor and another woman that worked with Natasha. They were all very nice. We asked the questions we had on our list and found out that Natasha had an oval window (hole in her heart) when she was born but that it had closed itself up. So no heart problems right now. We learned what her schedule was and saw some really cute pictures of her playing doctor with another child. Plus we saw artwork she had done in her classes.

Then it was finally time to met Natasha. I will not be posting about that visit here as I had already blogged about that visit.  We were probably only with her for 30 minutes. We had ran outside after her without our jackets so again I was freezing. I know I should not have been that cold when it was about 60 degrees outside but you have to remember that I came from 100+ summer weather.

After our visit we were exhausted but we knew this would be our only change to visit the gardens so we decided to make the most of it and tough it out. We had been told by another mom who had adopted from the same area that we really wanted to see the gardens since we were going to be there in such beautiful weather. We were so thankful that it didn't rain on us while we were doing our tour.

Here are some pictures of the garden just to help you get a feel for how beautiful it really is there.

Backside of the Cathedral that overlooks the gardens and all the fountains.

One of the main fountains in the garden.

Beautiful Avery located in the gardens.

 This picture is looking down at a section of the gardens.

And this picture helps to show just how big the gardens were. We took one hour to explore one side of the gardens. Then we decided we were just too tired to look anymore and after a while all the fountains and trees started to look the same. Plus did I mention I was freezing in my sandals and my feet hurt.

It was an hour drive back to our hotel and I think Steve may have fallen asleep on the ride back. We decided to just eat at our hotel. By this time we were pretty hungry and wanted food that sounded like something we could understand. Our hotel had English speaking staff and menus. We shared beef tips and a bake potato and I ordered some borscht just to try and experience something of the culture. It was pretty good but I think I was just too tired to eat.

We went back up to our hotel room to try and relax and call our children. We were 11 hours ahead so we had to stay up later than we wanted to be able to talk to them and not wake them up too early.

 Here is a picture of our hotel room. The bed is 2 twins pushed together and Steve complained that he could feel the mattress springs on his side. In my next post I will tell a funny story about that.

This was the view from our hotel room.

It was still very light out when we tried to go to sleep but we were both so tired I don't think we really cared. Next post will be our 2nd visit and our physical experience.

It really has been an incredible adventure.

Day 1 of our Adventure

I have decided to journal our journey. It will not be set up like my regular blog writings as it is more for us to be able to remember our journey than it is to inform others. So you are welcome to read it if you like but it might be a bit boring for you.

On Monday morning July 16th we finally set out on our journey. We had officially started the adoption process on July 11th 2011. At that time I had no idea we would only be on our first visit a year later. We had received our travel date on July 3rd letting us know we needed to be in Russia on Tuesday night, July 17th. I had been preparing for so long to hear this news that it didn't seem real when it finally came. You see, normally travel dates are issued on Mondays and our agency would call everyone sometime on Monday to let them know. So when Monday night came and we still had not heard anything I once again felt as if Monday had failed me. But on Tuesday morning there was an email from our agency saying we had an appointment with the MOE (Ministry of Education) on Wednesday morning, July 18th.

So back to Monday morning. We left the house around 7:30 a.m. Our flight did not leave until 1:30 p.m. but we wanted to give ourselves plenty of time. We found parking at a Marriott Hotel for the week and they shuttled us to the airport. (the hotel was less expensive than the long term airport parking lots and it was closer with covered parking).

Check in to the airlines was a breeze but getting through security took a little over an hour. You have got to love LAX (not). After we got through security we decided to exchange some money for rubles. Then we found our gate and went to eat lunch. We ate lunch at Wolfgang Puck and it was not very good at all and very expensive. Not loving the whole airport food thing. They really know how to get you. I was also extremely frustrated at LAX because they had horrible Wifi connections. I was not able to post things I wanted to be able to post. I did get a picture of our plane though.

We then boarded our 10 hour flight to Amsterdam. The longest I have ever flown is 5 hours so this was not a fun flight for me at all. Steve is used to flying business class when he travels to France so this was a little bit of a switch for him too. Our seats were extremely cramped. I cannot imagine a very big person even being able to fit in them. Steve had no leg room at all as the set in front of him was built over some kind of box. I tried to sleep but it just wasn't happening. Our plane was very nice though and had individual TV's with movies you could watch. Except mine was having issues. I wore my flight socks and walked around a couple times to keep my feet and legs from swelling. I was so excited when we finally arrived the next morning in Amsterdam (located in North Holland - remember when we set off on this journey I told you all we were going to Holland  -The Poem about Holland refers to families that will be parenting a child with special needs. I had not idea I was actually going to fly to Holland to get to Russia. It just seemed so fitting when I finally figured it out).

I cannot wait for Natasha to be home and wearing this shirt. The Amsterdam Airport was huge and very nice. But you cannot go sit in the boarding area until one hour before your flight. So we ended up walking around and then sitting in Starbucks to wait for our flight to leave.

Our next flight was from Holland to Russia. It was only a 2 hour flight and was so much better even though it was on a smaller plane. When we arrived I felt like a fish out of water. It was 5:30 p.m. there on Tuesday and I was completely exhausted. We had to fill out some sort of paperwork and did it wrong. We just needed to fill out both halves so they did not look happy with us at the window. I felt a little uneasy being in a country where I had no idea what the language was. There were some signs in English though. We did not have to wait long for our luggage but there was a mix-up with our driver. We had told our agency in the US that we did not need their driver to take us back to the airport. Apparently, she wrote and told the Russia agency that we didn't need their driver for the airport at all. We waited about 45 minutes looking for him and then found out that I misplaced the paper that had the agency contact info on it. I know,what a paper to misplace. So we called our son at home and woke him up. We were finally able to get a hold of someone and she took care of it for us. Not the best way to start out your trip in a foreign country when you are exhausted but it all worked out fine. Our driver was extremely kind and we are so grateful to him for taking us to our English speaking hotel.

We got checked in around 8:30 p.m. and went to bed around 10:00 p.m. It was still light out when we fell asleep. We are told that it gets dark this time of year from about 12:00 a.m. until about 4:30 a.m. but it always looks like dusk outside. Never completely black. We woke up around 3:30 a.m. and could not get back to sleep.

So Worth the Wait

So I promised everyone some good news this week 

and I am finally ready to post it here. 

This week as been such an exhausting week. 

You know how you dream of something for so long and have it planned

out exactly how you think it should go but then 

when the moment comes it is usually not how you planned it?

Well, 

That has been what my week has been like. 

Right now I am sitting in a hotel room in Russia typing this blog!

Yep,

You read that right. 

We are here

and 

we have met the little girl we plan on adopting

and calling Natasha.

Our first visit did not go how I imagined it at all. 

You know the ones you have seen where the child runs into 

the parents arms like they have been waiting for them to come their whole life?

Not exactly what happened for us. 

Natasha was preparing to go outside with her group

when they brought her to see us. 

So she was kicking, screaming, crying

and she wanted nothing at all to do with us. 

We brought out our toys and tried to win her over 

but she wanted to go outside. 

We didn't blame her it was just not the way I had pictured our 

first meeting with her. 

We went outside with her and all the other children ran up to us. 

But not Natasha.

She ran far away. 

Can you image a child who normally gets no attention and then 

all of a sudden has 5 adults calling after her and trying to get her attention?

She must have been very scared and confused.  

Finally Steve blew up a ball and we took it over in her direction. 

Things got considerably better from that point on. 

She now decided we could be her friend and playing ball with us was lots

of fun. 

We will not be sharing any photos of her face at this time as 

she is still not officially our daughter but we did sign the referral to go 

back to court and ask to adopt her. 

I will type more about our second and third meetings later when I am not sooo tired. 

It is so beautiful where we are and we have had a really nice time. 

We have fallen in love with her home and her people and 

of course she has stolen our hearts.

We also have started to squeak our way into hers. 

We are so thankful to all of you who have supported us in our journey this far.

We will be working hard the next few months

to finish up our fundraising and paperwork for our court trip. 

Praying to be back in October to see our precious little one again.

So here are the picture I have of us from our first trip with a little flower over her face.

 I am teaching her how to sign ball

Here she is signing ball back to me.

 Steve playing ball with her.

 She loved this little pad

A Very Long Year

I am sure anyone who actually reads my blog has 

probably noticed that I have not been very good about writing anything on it. 

It's hard not being able to share everything I want to share with you.

So it just makes it hard to write anything. 

And how fun is it to hear each week that we are still waiting. 

This weeks marks our one year anniversary of 

applying to adopt a little girl with Down syndrome. 

It has been a long emotional year. 

There have been times I have just wanted to throw up my arms and yell

"I QUIT" 

But then something amazing will happen to remind me 

that God set me out on this journey for a reason. 

He never said if I agreed to go that he would make it easy 

or that the timing would be the way I wanted it to be. 

I seem to have several theme songs that I have 

found over the last year. 

It seems like every time I feel down and think 

I just can't wait any longer I will hear this song. 

"I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily 

I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make"

So thank you to all of those who have stuck out this last year with me. 

Thanks for all your love and support. 

And look for a new blog post to come sometime next week 

as I am positive the wind is changing to a good wind 

and we will have some excellent news. 

"I won't give up on us, even when the "seas" get rough 

and giving you all my love, I'm still looking up."

The Wind is Starting To Blow Again

Back in April I blogged about

praying for a good wind.

Well, the wind is finally starting to blow again.

The family in line a head of us just got word that they are to 

travel to our region and meet their daughter in 13 days.

What does that mean for us?

It means

We are next.

Praying it means we get to travel in June.

Praying that those who have waited so long for 

court dates that they will get them soon and be

able to bring their children home soon. 

We still have a long journey ahead of us.

We thought for sure we would be getting ready to bring a little girl

home by June. 

Not just be getting ready to meet her.

So now we are looking at maybe October

to have her home. 

But hey,

It is still better than 

2 years, 4 months and 9 days.

The time it took to complete our last adoption.

And I'm sorry but I just realized I forgot to announce who won the 

Digital Software Program

Jessica Rudder

Please contact me so I can give 

you the code for your free software.

Both Her Mother's Love

Happy Mother's Day 

This is going to be one those hard post for me to write 

but one I have been thinking about writing for a very long time.

I have not done the drawing for the My Memories Software yet

but promise to do so tomorrow. 

Tonight I wish to share with you the feelings of my heart.

So that I can document them for my daughter to read someday.

In 2008 my views on Mother's Day changed.

I had always grown up having a mother and I had no problem 

becoming a mother. 

So I  never took much thought to be considerate of those

who may not be so fortunate.

But in 2008 that all changed.

For the first time I was exposed to what it would be like

to have been a mother but not allowed to parent your child.

I took Nevaeh on that Sunday to visit her birthmother at rehab. 

There were many other woman there who did not have visits that day.

I could see the hurt and anguish in their eyes as they watched

Mommy M visit with Nevaeh. 

And I was torn. 

Torn because I wanted to be her mother. 

I was the one who got up in the middle of the night to feed her, cleaned up

her throw up and calmed her when she was frightened. 

But I was not her mother. 

I was only her caretaker. 

So that Mother's Day in 2008 I saw and felt a lot of pain. 

2009 was one of the worst Mother's Day of my life.

I had been the primary caretaker through the foster care system

 for Nevaeh for almost 18 months. 

Other than visiting with her birth parents for a few hours a week 

I was really the only mother she knew. 

Yet on Mother's Day afternoon

I did the hardest thing I had ever done in my life.

I packed her bags and took her to spend 2 nights 

with her birth parents at the halfway house. 

There is no way I would ever be able to explain the pain

I felt in my heart that day nor to explain the look of excitement

and pure joy on her birth parent's faces. 

I did not feel comfortable leaving her in their care. 

It was not my choice. 

I had no say. 

I was just her caretaker. 

Not her mother. 

So I went home and cried myself to sleep. 

A few weeks before I had won a book with a CD

called From My Arm's To God's Arms to Yours.

I had heard the most beautiful song that I knew would never apply to my situation.

It talked about a birth mother who chose to give her child to 

another person to raise. 

I was in a different situation. 

The only way I would become Nevaeh's mother would be by force.

What a depressing way to become a mother. 

What a horrible way to no longer be a mother. 

Her birth mother had been through that scenario 4 other times. 

She was doing better this time. 

Trying hard to keep it all together.

Wanting so badly to be the mother that Nevaeh deserved.

I had extreme guilt for even thinking about wanting to be the mother

of this little girl.

It didn't matter that I had raised and loved her for almost 18 months.

I was not her mother. 

The turn of events that happened right before court in July 2009 

are something I will never forget. 

Almost the exact words of the song in the book I had

received were said to me over the phone. 

I was to get the wish of my heart while someone else

would have to live with the emptiness and void 

of many many Mother's Days to come.

I would now have the incredible responsibility of not only 

providing this child with my love but 

providing her with both her mother's love.

I vowed that I would take her to spend Mother's Day with her

birth mother even after the adoption was final as long as 

I deemed the situation to be safe. 

That was wonderful for 2010 and 2011. 

But this year it did not happen. 

This year I have yet to hear from her birth mother but am dreading 

the phone call when I do. 

This year I will have to break her heart once again 

and even though it breaks mine to do so 

and I do not judge her for her decisions I cannot at this time 

do so knowing that it is an unsafe environment to take Nevaeh into.

I envy those people who have the birth mother over to their homes. 

The ones who have friend relationships. 

But there are days I have to snap out of my fantasy and remember

why it was Nevaeh was placed in our care to begin with. 

Why it is her mother had 4 other children taken away. 

And although I will always love her in my own way

and tell Nevaeh time appropriate things about her

I am afraid the time has come for now to stop our 

visits. 

And I know it will break her heart. 

So this Mother's Day I will once again

think of those who have lost children, who have had children taken away,

who have decided to place children in a loving home, and who are not 

able to have biological children of their own. 

Because although Mother's Day is a day to honor Mother's

there are many many women out there in pain on this day. 

And my prayer is that we can all take the time to be a little more 

compassionate to those who may not care for Mother's Day.

And I will continue to pray for those children 

who do not have mothers or 

who have mothers like me desperately trying to bring them home 

but stuck in an imperfect world where love is not always all you need. 

Praying that next Mother's Day our child and many others will know the joy of 

having a mother. 

( I used the kit Birds and Blossom Combo Pack for my scrapbook pages)